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MORE TRAGEDIES IN SPACEJust when you thought it was safe to travel in space again, disaster strikes once more. The nothing mission was struck by two tragic accidents. Gone with the windsf. The exploits of Commander Zap, defending true values with his Brute-o-Matic magma ejector, are well known. Readers of this publication might be less familiar with the softer side of this many facetted character. Zap was also a gifted draughtsbot, whose aquarelles in three-, four- and five-dimensions are highly valued in collectors’ circles. His artwork was, of course, fully computer-generated with state-of-the-art glue techniques.
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One of the sophisticated software program that he used in his laboratory, a so called mesh-smooth program, has unfortunately run out of control, and turned against its master. The function of the mesh-smooth is to create additional grid points to a multi-dimensional body. The mesh-smooth in question has reduced Zap’s body to the finest gossamer mesh. A breeze of solar wind has carried him away and dispersed his mesh into space. He is now everywhere. In fact, he might be looking over your shoulder in this moment and reading this with you. Chop chopScientist Jigger was visiting the Tool Bar on a field research mission, when fate hit ruthlessly. After a few chi-beers, he had to go down to relieve himself. As he was about to enter the bot’s room, a young plasmette lady came out of the ladies room. Jigger courteously “stepped” aside to give way to the lady. As you probably know, he moves with the help of a propeller at his posterior extremity. In this case, when he set the propeller on reverse, the device suddenly went full power and sucked his body through the blades. Jigger was chopped up by his own propeller. The lady had to be hospitalised under shock. A victim to his own gallantry and technical failure, Jigger leaves a yawning gap in the world of science and research. The memory of our heroes will live on as long as courageous green men keep crossing the great nothingness. |
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NOTHING LOSES ELECTIONnothing’s foray into the world of politics has not experienced a successful start today. At the local election for the Legislative Council of Solon they collected no votes. Nilch. Not a sausage. nw. SE interviewed Captain Spot after the announcement of the results and asked him whether he was surprised by the outcome. “We intended to contribute to the community in a new way. nothing is concerned about the robot rights and social questions in general. Political office should not be left to those who think it’s funny to be president or mayor or such things,” Spot said. “Our programme was well balanced and included everything that is needed from lower taxes to better transport, health care and education. And of course, the proctection of the environment on uninhabited planets is high on our agenda.” The reason no-one voted for nothing might be that no-one knew they were running. |
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DISPOSABLE BODIESSports and physical exercise to stay in good health are becoming very unpopular on planet Flatsnore. Since the latest release of the software package “Brain Image” by Nero, people just prefer to copy their brain contents into a new body when the old one has become worn out.
nw. The laws of Flatsnore are very strict: The original must be destroyed immediately after copying. But illegal duplicates are nonetheless more and more common. Supposedly, the originals escape before they can be eliminated, but it is generally known that the new bodies often fail to keep their obligations. Another problem: More and more people have themselves copied into a body of a famous actor. There are scores of identically looking Bruth Tipp and Starlet Jacobsdottir around and they can only be told apart with the help of RFID (radio-frequency identification). |
