BUILT TO BE A HERO!

Following the unrest that has rocked the planet of Blistard last week, calm has returned to the rails of the capital city Bratts. Many BOs are reportedly wheeling about their business, obviously enjoying their new freedom, but hardly any robots are seen in public.

sf. Blistard is inhabited by two genders – robots and binary objects (BO). BOs are only able to express themselves in bin, a language of type 00110001. Taking advantage of their kind-hearted, hard working and rather dull character, robots have been using the BOs for centuries to do all menial, difficult and unpleasant work.

The upheaval war sparked off when a BO responded 00 instead of 01 to a BOP (binary object prosecutor). It’s a BOP’s job to enforce peace and order in Blistard. Consequently, the BOP took out his LEP (law enforcer pistol) with the intention to reset the offending BO to a null-variable. Just as he was about to pull the trigger, the LEP was taken from his hand by a handsome BLOP (binary large object prosecutor). The BLOP told the BO: “Why don’t you run off and have a wonderful day!” For the BOP the contradiction between pursuit of his duty and a superior who was siding with a BO was too much. His circuits fused and he collapsed, grey-brown fumes emerging from his ventilation slits.

The BOs cheered and switched their “we-like-robots” parameter from “true” to “false”. Immediately they began ransacking and overthrowing the government.

Sixteen minutes later they had thrown all robots out of the “Integer Palace”, the local house of government, thus ushering in a new era in blistardly history.

There have been reports about outside interference during the revolution. Some “witnesses” described the foreigners as “green, baggy and speaking with a squeaky voice”, while others pretended to have seen a furry creature with wings on its helmet. Still others told our reporters that the BLOP, who started the events, had left the planet in the company of a tall, orange individual. These reports are obviously inconsistent and should not be taken serious.

The new government has already received official recognition from many states. YesYes, the leader of the new government, has promised that the defeated robots will be treated either well or badly.

Physical Characteristics

In spite of the fact that Blop has six extremities, he should not be mistaken for an insect. On the contrary, he is a vertebrate with a short but solid spine.

Normally of a gentle and friendly disposition, he can be a dangerous adversary when treated injustly. His pointed feet become a deadly weapon in such circumstances.

The two containers on his back contain liquid air and enable Blop to travel by jet propulsion.

FROM THE SHORES OF THE MILKY WAY

Cows have a very good memory. Although many generations have passed since Liberation, some still harbour resentments against farmers. To ensure peaceful coexistence, an inspection team of UGO visits the dairy planet Mhoo, where cows and farmers live together, in regular intervals and assesses the conditions.

nw. The nothing team has the required qualifications and certifications to perform such UG-inspections, report on the situation and make recommendations on behalf of the Secretary General. The objective of the inspections is to make sure that the cows treat their farmers correctly.

Having just finished checking the last farm, chief inspector Spot was taking a stroll. While some parts of his enormous mind were busy composing the report (“minor incidents, keep vigilant”), others contemplated the lush meadows.

His aimless, but nonetheless long steps brought Spot to a shaded riverbank. Spot looked out over the vast expanse in front of him and realized that he was standing on the shores of the Milky Way. There was a burbling sound coming from the reeds. Spot wondered what it might be. He followed the sound and found a steel trunk on the riverbank. Inside the trunk a baby robot was babbling incoherently as baby robots normally do.

Spot looked at the baby for a long time, scratching his head. Finally, he stopped the ongoing computations in his mind and, giving the baby a smile from ear to ear, he picked it up and walked off towards the norocket.

In the norocket all crew members gathered to see Spot’s foundling. They agreed that he looked very strong for his age, and Spacefox particularly liked the antennas on his forehead.

In a little compartment under the baby’s chin, they found an instruction manual and some documents.

The manual indicated that the baby robot had been preconditioned to listen to the name Loop. The documents gave some indications about the origin of little Loop.

A rough childhood

Robots were forbidden on his home planet Daikon, one document explained. Loop’s mother, a gifted constructor and inventor, had no choice but sending him out into space. She used a rubber catapult to fling him into space in a wicker basket. Fortunately, he was sturdily built and able to withstand the hostile conditions in outer space. Without food or drink, he travelled for many lightyears on the current of the Milky Way.

Loop’s battery had almost run dry. Medical officer Zen topped him up with formic acid and oiled his hinges. The entire team adopted him unanimously as a new member of the crew.

Loop was put into a Warm&Cosy® incubator where he learned to speak and listen in only 27 hours. As he came out, everybody was surprised by the tremendous talents that he had developed in such a short time. He shows a great attraction to heavy weapons just like the late Zap.

Physical Characteristics

Loop’s external shell is composed of two valves that protect him from predators and desiccation. Protruding between the valves is an tiered structure called the gumbo, which forms the dorsal surface of Loop.

Loop is a filter feeder that eats microscopic kton particles using a process called ciliary-mucus feeding. He sucks the kton in through his incurrent siphon and transports it into the bronchial chamber by supercilious movements. There the kton is humified and converted to a delicious mucus. Other eyelashes finally funnel the food into the mouth where digestion can continue. Occasionally, he foregoes his traditional way of feeding and takes a lamb kebab from the shop at the corner instead.